I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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