i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
soo... how was my night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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