I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
