UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
