all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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