weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
