exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
