why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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