A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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