Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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