chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
