Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
