And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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