i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
