WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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