have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
