We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
