Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
