i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
