Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
