Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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