btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
