So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
