We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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