Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
