I just saw a hot homeless man
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
