We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
