He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
