swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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