He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
