How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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