It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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