God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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