i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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