Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
