Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
