I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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