i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
