Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
