Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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