my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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