She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize