can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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