his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize