you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
