i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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