My nipple is on Facebook.
only you would photoshop your dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
