I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
