I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
