Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Randomize
