Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
