I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
