I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
