So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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