Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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