pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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