Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize