You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
