Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
