Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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