Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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