bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
