Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
