Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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