Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
